thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
