I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
ugly people sure do ruin things
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
