do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
