but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Randomize
