If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
