I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize