I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
