I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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