Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
