It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
