theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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