Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
My penis needs a shock collar
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
