dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
