it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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