just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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