at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
