What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
