I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
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