You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize