Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
