I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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