Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
