Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
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