So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
