So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
