It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
areolas are like halos for boobs.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Randomize
