I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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