you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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