KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
