I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
