U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
