so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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