I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Randomize
