I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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