I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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