You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Randomize
