We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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