if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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