Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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