My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
