??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
where does the pee come out of this thing
I got her a Nickelback box set.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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