I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
