i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Randomize
