16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
is wine microwaveable?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Randomize
