i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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