Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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