I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
