She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
