There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Randomize
