Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
