does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
