dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
