the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Randomize
