Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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