there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
