Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Randomize
