I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
i believe in u and ur pee
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
