my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
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