You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
