is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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