Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
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