I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
Randomize
