I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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