what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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