take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Randomize