you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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