remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
