I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
