I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize