she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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