whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize
