I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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