i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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